What has happned to "Old Fashioned Christmas "

Being home for Christmas always brings back memories of how we spent Christmas as kids. Times sure have changed as we always had lots of snow and were able to ski and skate on Christmas holidays. Today green Christmas's are becoming the norm.

I miss being able to go out into the cold and skate on the back rink and then rush home to play with games and toys from Christmas. Walks in the woods and ski-dooing was in the deep snow was always a Christmas tradition.

Today we had a crazy snow/rain/sleet but more rain than snow. What has happend to a good ol' winter storm. However the recent wind and rain has destroyed much of the coastline and my favorite beach close to home Dominion Beach had the entrance boardwalk destoyed.

This Christmas was quiet as Valerie and her family went to Ingonish so it was mainly adults around for Christmas. Nice to spend time with Steven and Laura, Allie and Mason. The missing presence of uncle Doug was felt by eveyone in our family but we celebrated Christmas with his presence in our hearts.

Santa was very good to me and I know have a new " big girl " camera Canon EOS TDi DSLR. Now I have to learn how to use it but I have been snapping lots of pictures. Piperdog is going to be my main subject.

I had a few "weak" moments this Christmas. The Christmas music and the empasis on children and family really got to me this year. The veil of spirit is so close at Christmas that I let my guard down and allowed myself to feel blessed for all I have but sad to my core that I don't have children of my own to share in the spirit and magic of Christmas.

Looking forward to slowing down this year and not creating so much busyness. Very reflecful and quiet as 2010 comes to a close.

Nameste
Karen

Universal Child

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Curry Family Reunion

Another fun weekend in Antigonish for the Curry family reunion. I think this year was the 31st year of the family gathering together at the end of November to celebrate family... it all started to celebrate Nana (Mary) Curry's birthday.

What a wonderful legacy and tradition. Still about 50 family and extended family and family friends come together to sing, laugh and just hang out. I am so blessed to be part of this special family. Last night watching the " Senoir Choir" sing their 4 part harmony of the old songs from the 20's and 30's I was very touched because I know that some of these folks are getting older and to not take them for granted.

Blaise's dad Joe should have been on Broadway ! He is so expressive and loves to entertain, he's a natural at the mike! His favorites are "Maime Riley" and "Seven old Ladies". The "younger choir" gets going with the guitars and all sorts of music late in the eveing (past 1AM) Good times and a wonderful tradition.

This year we also celebrated a wedding for Blaise's cousin Lisa. Mark certainly received a great welcome to the familiy.

As well this weekend being the first weekend of Advent is also a time of reflection for me. A time of "waiting". Well Blaise and I are getting to be experts at waiting. Adoption process is all about waiting and waiting and trusting that when it is meant to be the right child or children will come into our lives. I just feel so tired this week and realize that I have filled my life with so much "stuff" and activities that I have still not created "space" for children in my life. Am I keeping busy to avoid really "going there" to avoid my feelings and avoid being sad and spending time with my hurt about not being able to have a children ! Oh dear where did that one come from.

We try to live in the present and enjoy each day but are both very very busy with work , Blaise with refereeing and me with running, yoga, commitees and school work. Piperdog does keep us both in the present and I am very thankful for his joyful presence in our home.

I guess this time of year and this family celebrating brings things closer to the surface and it is OK to be "a little bit sad" however the spirit of Christmas always makes me feel like a kid anyway and I like to focus on my blessings and be hopefull for the future.

Little one (or big one), wherever you are, we are waiting and I know the big Curry family will be very happy to welcome you to the family. That will be a very joyous day for sure.

Que sera sera

Karen

Rascal Flatts - My Wish ( NO SKIPPING in this vid)

Special Needs Adoption Day

Today may be a day that will change our lives, or my hope is that it will be a day that changes the lives of all of the kids presented today. This was our second SNA Day and I found I was much more prepared for today. The first one in June was a good experience and started us on a path to considering older children adoption. SNA Day is a day that Social Workers, Foster Parents and those involved with assisting the children present the " story " of the children and a short video of the children. As you can imagine hearing the story and history of some of the children is heart breaking and sad. However the kids keep on smiling and are so reslilent in their hope of finding forever parents. Some of children are older with some diagnosis of FASD, ADHD , mental or physical abuse. but some are just in care because of breaddown of the parents level to provided a safe appropriate home.

There was about 100 people at this day. Looking around the room and seeing couples in the same situation as us is very humbling for me. Everyone is deserving and I now the right child will come to the right couple. Most of the children presented today were over 5 years old. Initially like most folks we wanted a " younger " child however after seeing how much these kids need a stable loving family life it really made us reflect. We believe we want to adopt to " love, nuruture and care for a child " so why should we put limits on age ! So much to think about.

Some of the videos were lovely and well put togethe and others had music and lots of pictures. Well the music just got me ! MY Wish by Rascal Flats was one song and I looke up the lyrics. Well here it is for you to enjoy. I believe this sone sums up our hope and " Wish" for any child that will come into our family.

We have lots to think about and discuss with our Social Worker. So all in all a good day and my prayers are will all those beautiful children and the folks that foster and support them in their journey to their forever homes.

Nameste
Karen

What a summer ! Heat waves and Hurricanes

It has been an amazing summer. Fantastic warm hot sunny weather. I have not been spending much time indoors so hence the lack of posts. Summer vacation and trip to Cranbrook for work was amazing. We just finished a week of record breaking high temperatures. Our in house temp record was 32 ! Hot and sticky. Piper and I had a few lovely beach evenings. He loves the water and is addicted to rock diving. Now today the Friday of the long weekend we are gearing up to prepare for Hurricane Earl. It is touch and go whether it will be as bad as expected, however it is a bigger storm than Hurrican Juan.

We are all prepared and have suppllies now we just wait it out. Wait it out seems to a theme for my life at present. I have to much to tell about the summmer and pictures to post. Hopefully the rainy blustery weekend will leave us with power so I can take some time to put some pictures up. Great family times and I had a few vunerable moments. My new meditation and daily yoga practice is really helping to keep me in the present and not get "lost" into " poor" me or complain about " when are we finally going to have some kids to fill this house" The universe will bring things to me when it is supposed to happen.

Heading out to make sure eveying thing is tied down and ready for the storm

Nameste
Karen

Family

This past weekend we spent celebrating with Blaise's mothers family the Gillis's. It was a wonderful time with lots of fun, family and fun. Almost 100 people attended. We were out on the Mira all weekend and the weather was amazing. Such a great reminder to live in the moment and not take anything for granted as well. We opened a 10 year time capsule yesterday. Lots of tears flowed remembering family members that were not longer present in body but definitely present in spirit and soul.

Seeing all the "kids" that have grown up and how much things have changed in 10 years. We are putting together our contribution to the time capsule that will be opened in 10 years. Not sure what we will put in but thinking of doing a letter to "our family " or a love letter to each other.

It was lovely to get up early and meditate on the dock on the Mira and do my yoga routine. The land that Joe and Jacquie live on was MacEachern and Nanny Macneil's fmaily land. I certainly felt the presence on my " family " and Nanny Macneil on this property. Very peaceful and relaxing, no wonder the Scottish settlers liked the Mira River.

Now on to the next phase of my three weeks, off to Cranbrook in the morning for the final First Nations advisory commitee meeting. Next Friday Nanny's 90th and more family memories to be made

Nameste
Karen

Happy Summer Solstice

Stray Dog and Capacity for Love

Last weekend we went home to visit with family and see my new niece. I still can't beilive my baby brother is a daddy. It is alwyas good to be home in Glace Bay and hang out with family. On Friday night when we arrived home we found a young dog on our back step. She was just frigtend and shaking. Of course I could not let her just keep running. She had a collar but had a " hockey lace tied to it, not very storng a leash. We had a long ling for Piper so I hooked her to that and would figure out what to do in the morning. She did not bark or whine or make any sound all night.

In the morning I called the SPCA and no one was looking for a young dog in Glace Bay and put a call into the radio stations. She was just a sweet kind, gentle girlie and warmed up to me and was very good on leash. No one in the neighborhood recognised her. I was not sure what I was gong to do but I knew this doggie needed a good home and she was so loving.

In the afternoon we planned a walk on Dominion Beach with Piper. So we packed the little dog in the van with us. I don't think she ever was in a car before. She was shivering and jumped into my lap. At the beach I kept her on leash until we were way donw the beach and when I let her run she did come back however she did not really know how to play. It was so sad and Piper dog tried to play with her but was too obsessed with the water.

I know I had to find this doggie a home and that if she came to Halifax it would be very difficult to give her up. When we got back to Mom's after the beach walk my neighbor across the steet had come over as she had " orgininally " found her while searching for one of her cats int he back woods. She was so glad that we had kept her safe all day and she took her in and was going to decide if she would keep her or take to SPCA. She would get picked up so quickly if she went to the SPCA.

So I left the doggie and went home. It was so hard as this little beastie had found a way into my heart. I was very shocked as I generally don't think about adoptiong an " older dog or mix " my heart is set on getting another Golden Retirever puppy in the near future. So my feelings surprised me. This little beastie came into my life for a reason I think. To teach me the capapcity of love that I can feel for something that I did not think I could or wanted. Did she come inot my life to teach me that yes Karen you can love and open your heart to an older child and not just a child or children " 0 - 5 " Or to reaffirm that it does not take much time for the heart to open and give love.

Of couse I realize adoption of children is so much larger and I know I do have a large heart and lots of love to give. Yestersday we went to a Special Needs Adoption Day. Most of the cases presented were children over the age of 5. My heart just mealted they were so sweet and just wanted and need a stable loving environment to help guide them to their potential.

It made me start to quesiton? Can I adopt an older child ? Am I ready to take on the challenges of older child and miss the growing and changing of inftants and toddlers. How do I know if and when it is OK to change our plans? I want to ensure if we do change our pland that it is for the right reasons and not just a " quick fix" I am kind of confused and wondering what God is trying to tell me. How will I know when the right referral comes along? It just seems so wrong to pick and choose what type of profile is going to be our best match.

I belive in fate however there were so many lovely deserving couples at this session yesterday. Why should we be more special than any ohters? What makes us so special? It is such a challenging journey and I know in the end it will all be worth the emoitional ups and downs.

Thank you little beastie for teaching me my capacity for love and beginning my questioning of what is best for our family.


Que Sera Sera

Karen

Patience

I am roving around the internet tonight and came across some lovely blogs of Catholic women and their journey through infertility and adoption. This prayer really touched my heart tonight. This whole process of adoption and waiting is certainly and exercise in patience.

Karen


Prayer for Patience


Lord, teach me to be patient - with life, with people,and with myself. I sometimes try to hurry things along too much, and I push for answers before the time is right. Teach me to trust Your sense of timing rather than my own and to surrender my will to Your greater and wiser plan.


Help me let life unfold slowly, like the small rosebud whose petals unravel bit by bit, and remind me that in hurrying the bloom along, I destroy the bud and much of the beauty therein.

Instead, let me wait for all to unfold in its own time. Each moment and state of growth contains a loveliness. Teach me to slow down enough to appreciate life and all it holds.
Amen.


Prayer Source: Unknown.

Gratitude

Happy Mothers Day

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. William Ernest Henley


OK so not a normal Mother's Day poem, however I was inspired by this movie and poem this week. On my trip to Calgary for work this week I watched Avatar on the way out and Invictus on the way home. Both movies were so inspiring and full of hope and all that is best and what can be in the world. The story of Nelson Medela and his leadership is fascinating and such a great message of hope and healing. So it is the hope and healing that inspires me.

Infertiliy at times was like a black pit however I found the hope and healing to move forward toward adoption. Today a "part of me is sad" as no one calls me mommy or momma today, however my heart is beating with the hope of being a mom to a child/children that are meant for me and Blaise. Only a part of me is sad not my whole being and the ache of infertility is now filled with hope.

I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul. In honoring my soul I am continuing to run, practice yoga and have registered for a retreat at White Point from the Chopra Centre staff. I can't wait to do yoga and learn meditation techniques close to the beach. Blaise is very patient and lets me participate in activities that nourish my soul. His response "a happy, blissful wife makes my life happy ".

Happy Mother's day to all the mothers in my life. I am blessed to have so many wonderful role models. Thank you Leah for touching base with me today. I am so blessed to have amazing friends. So little one or little ones, wherever you are, we are ready and can't wait to meet you and start our journey together.

Nameste

Karen

Stars on Ice

I went to see Stars on Ice tonight with Danielle and Grace. It was fantastic. I have not really paid much attention to figure skating in 10 years. However with the great Canadian showing at the Olympics I was interested in going. Of course I have always loved Kurt Browning and he did not disappoint. What a showman ! He even skated in hockey skates. The gold medal sweethearts Virture and Moir we beautiful and their gold medal routine brought tears to my eyes.

6 year old Grace really got into the show and loved the music and the sparkly dresses of the girls. Her expressions and hoots and standing ovations were very cute. After the first standing ovation she asked her mom " Why are we standing up and cheering, can't we just yell sitting down ? Daniellle explained that if she thought that a skater did a really really special job then a standing ovation is a way of shwoing appreciation. She stood for every skater after that !

Thanks Dan and Grace for a fun night

Today is 10 years officially from the date Blaise and I met at the Bayplex by the bar ! Yep we each still insist that the other offered to buy a beer. Wow 10 years, goes by very quickly. Lots of fun times and adventures. I am truly blessed to have Blaise in my life. I try not to take his presence for granted. However at present we are both watching the Penguins and Ottawa game and nervous for OT. I am so happy he is patient with me and my crush on Sidney Crosby ( me and millions of others) of course he likes to remind me I am way too old for him. My reply is " Well in my daydreams I am only 25 ! ( another reminder that I am a " cougar" to Crosby )

Ah what a sweet honey I have ! 10 years and many more to come

"There' s no place like home"

I love coming home to my parents house and Glace Bay. You can see the ocean from almsot every point in Glace Bay. This morning it was really thick fog but you could tell the sun was going to break out. Being Good Friday it was a very quiet and almost reverent kind of day. I went for a run and tried to focus on my surroundings and being strong and following each breath. It is an amazing feeling although very hard to keep with you. Running in the fog was lovely as I am still feeling sad. However I found the fog very comforting and tried to "find my path" along the way. I am realizing I can use running as a meditation and if I try to stop my " monkey mind thoughts" I can not only strenghen my body by running but I can strenghten my meditative prayerful practice as well.

Many blessings for this Easter Weekend.

Nameste
Karen

10 Years

Wow it has been 10 years since Blaise and I meet at the Simmons Tournament at home in 2000. We are getting ready to hit the road to the Bay today for Easter weekend and the tournament. It is always a fun time and hanging out at the Bayplex, it brings back memories of junior high and high school at the old Fourum watching hockey.

I have to admit that the past few years have been challenging to sit and watch all the kids play and cheer for " daddy". This year I may not spend as much time at the rink as I am feeling kind of vulnerable. I told myself I was not going to set any timelines in the journey to adoption however I realized this week that I unconsciously kind of hoped that maybe this year I would be going to the rink with a little one to cheer on daddy. OK I said it out loud ! Oh my nerves why do I set myself up like this. I realy really thought I was not setting any timelines and was real with my feelings.

Well I am human and Easter is another kid intense holiday with new life, and joy and kites and pail and shovels. I am going to try to focus on what Easter is all about and ask for the Lord to bless us on our journey and be grateful for all the blessings I have right now in our life.

I am also going to focus on getting fit and my running and set new goals in this area. Oh yeah a goldern retiriever puppy and a trip to Scotland and Ireland are on my list as well. !

Nameste

Karen

Temporaily Waiting

I have not posted lately as I do not have any news to share. We recieved our final approval on Feb.1 and are waiting to meet with our adoption social worker. However it will take time and we have to wait. I have been so busy with work that I have not had much time to focus on waiting. I have been doing some reading and scanning adopttion websites and blogs. I came across this song from Carrie Underwood. Temporay home, beautiful message. So I am termporaily waiting and trying to see the blessings in every day. I also say a little prayer for my " rugrats" wherever they are.

Blessings Karen

Enjoy the song.

Prayer for Adotptive Parents

Week one of 2010 almost complete. It has been a year since we began our journey. Today we recieved word that our file will be reiviewed the end of January. I am trying to practice patience and graditude this year. I came across a beautiful prayer on another site. This prayer really speaks to my heart.

The “Prayer of Abandonment” for Adoptive Parents

Father, we abandon ourselves into your hands,
to send a child … or not … as you see fit.
You by whom the Word was made flesh,
send us a miracle, if this is what you desire.
Or lead us to her, if that be your will.
We do not ask for guarantees; no parent can.
Only light enough for the very next step.
We do not ask for a perfect child,
nor can we promise to be perfect parents.
Whatever you choose for us, whatever you desire
we abandon ourselves to your perfect will.
We are ready to offer our daily “yes,”
until that perfect will be revealed in us.
And until, at last perfected, we bear witness
to the work of redemption you began in Eden.
We love you, Lord, and offer ourselves to you,
wholly and without reservation.
We surrender ourselves, moment by moment,
knowing that this is only the first small step
Of a lifetime of surrender,
so that we may be made more perfect in love.
That we might imitate, on earth as in heaven,
the redemptive love
the adoptive love
the selfless love
with which you first loved us.

From Extradordinary Mom's Network
Heidi Hass Saxton
http://extraordinarymomsnetwork.wordpress.com