Running and my adoption journey

I have to admit that I have been recovering the last week. I survived the Bluenose 10K the May long weekend. It was fantastic with so many people and music and cheering it was really exhilarating even with all the hills in this run! My time was not bad 1: 15 but I had really just wanted to run and take it slow as I was gearing up for Cabot Trail Relay 15.1 K the next weekend May 29. I am proud to say that I also just barely survied my run which was leg 15 in Maragree at 5:30 am ! Yes I did make it to the race on time and and yes I did complete this leg. It was a beautiful run in the Margaree Valley and it was not raining and the mist in the hills very inspiring and moving. It was a really quick pace with lots of supper fast runners and then their was me and the "old" people at the end. Now not that I am judging but the " old" people were at least 20 -25 yrs older than me, and they passed me ! Oh well I am confident enough and not competetive that it was OK as long as I was not last. Well that lasted for about 30 min then I heard a rumbling and it was the St.John's Ambulance behind me. The 3 people behind me dropped out so now I was last. All I could do was run and laugh. I turned it around to a positive thinking " Hey I am just like Terry Fox with my own support van ". Slow and steady and I walked more than I ran. Around 12K my right IT band seized up and I was in agony and could not run so power walked to the end.

Most folks had moved on to the next leg but their was one team who always cheers in the last runner of each leg. They cheered and had a banner for me to run through ! I could have hugged each and everyone of them. Yes I did make it and I did complete, it was tough leg but I just kept going. Running races I find really can bring up lots of emotions. In both the Bluenose and the Relay I had moments when I almost was overcome and cried with joy that I was doing this, I was alive , I was moving I was breathing and every cell in my body was celebrating life. I have to say this experience also has made me more determined to be a better runner, be in better shape and train smarter for other races and look out next year, I will have a strong finish and make the mat this time!


Reflecting on our adoption journey, it does compare to preparing for race day. Training is like the preparation and waiting for the home study part of adoption. You have good days and bad days but you keep going because you know it will be all worth it in the end. As Race day approaches you get excited but nervous at the same time. Their is lots of energy at the start line and you tend to run to fast off the mark and then settle into a comfortable pace that is yours alone, " run your own race". HMM the adoption journey is exciting when you first get your approval and folks are encourgaing and asking when will you recieve a referal and you reply " It could be any day now " and you believe it. Then you settle back into your life and " get on with the living " but remembering that hey you are on a journey. I guess in terms of a race Blaise and I are comfortably settled into our pace, living our life and still planning trips. Although lately I have had " whisperings " that something is going to happen. When we do finally get our " call" it will be like the last charge for the finish line and proud that we " did it " and succeeded in goal.

Of course when the race is over, planning for the next race and how to best train begins. When the joyous " call' comes Blaise and I will start another journey as parents and need the support of " training partners' to support us as we discover the joys and challenges of parenting.

So here is to my new found love of running and I look forward to improving and to be open to the inspiration and " whisperings" along the way.

Very moving song that fits with the hope of adoption

Refections of Respite Part 2

To be honest I was very overwhelmed by my emotions last week that it has taken some time to reflect.

Our weekend overall was very positive and the little guy was very charming and tried very hard to be " good ". He was very active but also very focused on the Wii game and playing Pokeman games on the laptop. So basically hubby and I were very cool as we had a Wii with games he has not played( SuperMario soccer ?? ).

It was challenging emotionally for me because he was so craving affection and attention. For instance when getting ready for bed the first night he " thank me for opening our home to him as he can be pretty tricky " and he always wanted to hug and wanted to snuggle which really took me by surprise and I tried to redirect and let him know I was not comfortable with that right now. He also said " I never know if I am going to like respite people or if they are going to like me but I love you guys and your dog Piper is awsome ". Oh my poor little heart was breaking for him.

So it was the little things as well as his knowledge of the system and learned helplessness that I found challenging emotionally for me. He was 9 and he was used to having things done for him and I realize it may be easier for the fostermom just to do but he did not want to mix or cut up his own food " no I always make a mess and can't do it you need to do it " , tying sneakers was another area " I can't tie my shoes I fail at everthing and can't remember how ".
Of course this may be part of his learning disablities or he may have been testing me to see what I would do.

All in all now that I have had time to reflect I realize " it is not about me ", however I need to analyze me emotions and be aware of any triggers for me so I can be prepared for other respites.

Our SW asked if we would be interested in doing regular respite for this little boy so we are going to consider this option.

I definitely have an new found respect for the wonderful work that foster parents do everyday to suppport children in care.

Cheers
Karen