Cleansing

I have decided that I am not a very good blogger but that is OK ! I have been reading some very moving blogs lately by strong, honest and brave women who write beautifully about life and adoptive parenting. This blog is really for me to " cleanse" and share some of my thoughts, emotions and feelings as we journey on the path that is so unknown and full of twists and turns and darkness. So I write when I feel moved and have something to say mostly as a reminder to ME ! Thanks to the folks that are reading I hope it is a wee bit enjoyable and not too " Poor Me" If it is the later I am definitely quitting blogging !

Last year I did my first " cleanse" in June with consultation and support from Pam Purcell( Natural Pathic Solutions). It was a 21 day cleanse with no wheat, dairy, red meat. I was motivated to see how this would affect me and make me more conscious about the foods and food prep that I choose. It was a wonderful learning experience and after week one I felt amazing, strong, alive and had so much energy. After the cleanse I tried to maintain some of my habits but after a year and a long cold winter and wet dreary spring my body was telling me it was in need of a "tune up ".

I started a modified 14 day cleanse last week. Boy what a different experience from last year. Last week I was such a " bear " and cranky and agitated and tired all the time. I really tuned up my meditations and did a Yin and Yang yoga class but still felt like I was crawling out of my skin. I also started to have some negative, sad almost angry feelings about not yet having adopted and reminders of the pain of the psychological and spiritual pain if infertility. Where the heck did that come from? I am way over that and have moved on,right ? I seem to see pregnant people " everywhere' and last week while walking Piper at Point Pleasant Park I came across a women about my age or younger slowing strolling along with her about 6month old baby in a baby carrier. I was so overcome by sadness " WHY NOT ME " and the lovely women looked so peaceful content and happy. I tried to refocus and connect with nature and let Piper lead me around the park which is my " happy place " and always centers me, but I left feeling unsettled and sad. The next night was grading day and it was a lovely week with finally summer weather. I took Piper for a late dusk walk in our neighborhood and could hear the kids playing,staying up late and having so much fun and the sounds of the laughter was like a dagger to my poor little heart.

So what is all this about? I realized that this year cleansing and " detox" was releasing some stored up emotions and feelings that I have been " running " away from or escaping from. I mean seriously Blaise and I are always " so busy " and do what we please and fully enjoy our freedom that we have because we can and I am grateful for that. Have I really lost touch with my feelings and emotions or was this just my body,mind and spirit telling me to " Release, Cleanse and Let Go " HMM common theme with me. However I also feel like I am in a transition period in my life as I approach 40 in December. I am interested to see how my transition will manifest itself in my life.

Week two is much better and I feel more calm. I do have to say that I did " cheat " a wee bit over the long weekend but hey, sitting around the campsite eating hummuns and carrot sticks is not " camping " . LOL

Nameste

Karen