Happy Summer Solstice

Stray Dog and Capacity for Love

Last weekend we went home to visit with family and see my new niece. I still can't beilive my baby brother is a daddy. It is alwyas good to be home in Glace Bay and hang out with family. On Friday night when we arrived home we found a young dog on our back step. She was just frigtend and shaking. Of course I could not let her just keep running. She had a collar but had a " hockey lace tied to it, not very storng a leash. We had a long ling for Piper so I hooked her to that and would figure out what to do in the morning. She did not bark or whine or make any sound all night.

In the morning I called the SPCA and no one was looking for a young dog in Glace Bay and put a call into the radio stations. She was just a sweet kind, gentle girlie and warmed up to me and was very good on leash. No one in the neighborhood recognised her. I was not sure what I was gong to do but I knew this doggie needed a good home and she was so loving.

In the afternoon we planned a walk on Dominion Beach with Piper. So we packed the little dog in the van with us. I don't think she ever was in a car before. She was shivering and jumped into my lap. At the beach I kept her on leash until we were way donw the beach and when I let her run she did come back however she did not really know how to play. It was so sad and Piper dog tried to play with her but was too obsessed with the water.

I know I had to find this doggie a home and that if she came to Halifax it would be very difficult to give her up. When we got back to Mom's after the beach walk my neighbor across the steet had come over as she had " orgininally " found her while searching for one of her cats int he back woods. She was so glad that we had kept her safe all day and she took her in and was going to decide if she would keep her or take to SPCA. She would get picked up so quickly if she went to the SPCA.

So I left the doggie and went home. It was so hard as this little beastie had found a way into my heart. I was very shocked as I generally don't think about adoptiong an " older dog or mix " my heart is set on getting another Golden Retirever puppy in the near future. So my feelings surprised me. This little beastie came into my life for a reason I think. To teach me the capapcity of love that I can feel for something that I did not think I could or wanted. Did she come inot my life to teach me that yes Karen you can love and open your heart to an older child and not just a child or children " 0 - 5 " Or to reaffirm that it does not take much time for the heart to open and give love.

Of couse I realize adoption of children is so much larger and I know I do have a large heart and lots of love to give. Yestersday we went to a Special Needs Adoption Day. Most of the cases presented were children over the age of 5. My heart just mealted they were so sweet and just wanted and need a stable loving environment to help guide them to their potential.

It made me start to quesiton? Can I adopt an older child ? Am I ready to take on the challenges of older child and miss the growing and changing of inftants and toddlers. How do I know if and when it is OK to change our plans? I want to ensure if we do change our pland that it is for the right reasons and not just a " quick fix" I am kind of confused and wondering what God is trying to tell me. How will I know when the right referral comes along? It just seems so wrong to pick and choose what type of profile is going to be our best match.

I belive in fate however there were so many lovely deserving couples at this session yesterday. Why should we be more special than any ohters? What makes us so special? It is such a challenging journey and I know in the end it will all be worth the emoitional ups and downs.

Thank you little beastie for teaching me my capacity for love and beginning my questioning of what is best for our family.


Que Sera Sera

Karen

Patience

I am roving around the internet tonight and came across some lovely blogs of Catholic women and their journey through infertility and adoption. This prayer really touched my heart tonight. This whole process of adoption and waiting is certainly and exercise in patience.

Karen


Prayer for Patience


Lord, teach me to be patient - with life, with people,and with myself. I sometimes try to hurry things along too much, and I push for answers before the time is right. Teach me to trust Your sense of timing rather than my own and to surrender my will to Your greater and wiser plan.


Help me let life unfold slowly, like the small rosebud whose petals unravel bit by bit, and remind me that in hurrying the bloom along, I destroy the bud and much of the beauty therein.

Instead, let me wait for all to unfold in its own time. Each moment and state of growth contains a loveliness. Teach me to slow down enough to appreciate life and all it holds.
Amen.


Prayer Source: Unknown.

Gratitude

Happy Mothers Day

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. William Ernest Henley


OK so not a normal Mother's Day poem, however I was inspired by this movie and poem this week. On my trip to Calgary for work this week I watched Avatar on the way out and Invictus on the way home. Both movies were so inspiring and full of hope and all that is best and what can be in the world. The story of Nelson Medela and his leadership is fascinating and such a great message of hope and healing. So it is the hope and healing that inspires me.

Infertiliy at times was like a black pit however I found the hope and healing to move forward toward adoption. Today a "part of me is sad" as no one calls me mommy or momma today, however my heart is beating with the hope of being a mom to a child/children that are meant for me and Blaise. Only a part of me is sad not my whole being and the ache of infertility is now filled with hope.

I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul. In honoring my soul I am continuing to run, practice yoga and have registered for a retreat at White Point from the Chopra Centre staff. I can't wait to do yoga and learn meditation techniques close to the beach. Blaise is very patient and lets me participate in activities that nourish my soul. His response "a happy, blissful wife makes my life happy ".

Happy Mother's day to all the mothers in my life. I am blessed to have so many wonderful role models. Thank you Leah for touching base with me today. I am so blessed to have amazing friends. So little one or little ones, wherever you are, we are ready and can't wait to meet you and start our journey together.

Nameste

Karen

Stars on Ice

I went to see Stars on Ice tonight with Danielle and Grace. It was fantastic. I have not really paid much attention to figure skating in 10 years. However with the great Canadian showing at the Olympics I was interested in going. Of course I have always loved Kurt Browning and he did not disappoint. What a showman ! He even skated in hockey skates. The gold medal sweethearts Virture and Moir we beautiful and their gold medal routine brought tears to my eyes.

6 year old Grace really got into the show and loved the music and the sparkly dresses of the girls. Her expressions and hoots and standing ovations were very cute. After the first standing ovation she asked her mom " Why are we standing up and cheering, can't we just yell sitting down ? Daniellle explained that if she thought that a skater did a really really special job then a standing ovation is a way of shwoing appreciation. She stood for every skater after that !

Thanks Dan and Grace for a fun night

Today is 10 years officially from the date Blaise and I met at the Bayplex by the bar ! Yep we each still insist that the other offered to buy a beer. Wow 10 years, goes by very quickly. Lots of fun times and adventures. I am truly blessed to have Blaise in my life. I try not to take his presence for granted. However at present we are both watching the Penguins and Ottawa game and nervous for OT. I am so happy he is patient with me and my crush on Sidney Crosby ( me and millions of others) of course he likes to remind me I am way too old for him. My reply is " Well in my daydreams I am only 25 ! ( another reminder that I am a " cougar" to Crosby )

Ah what a sweet honey I have ! 10 years and many more to come

"There' s no place like home"

I love coming home to my parents house and Glace Bay. You can see the ocean from almsot every point in Glace Bay. This morning it was really thick fog but you could tell the sun was going to break out. Being Good Friday it was a very quiet and almost reverent kind of day. I went for a run and tried to focus on my surroundings and being strong and following each breath. It is an amazing feeling although very hard to keep with you. Running in the fog was lovely as I am still feeling sad. However I found the fog very comforting and tried to "find my path" along the way. I am realizing I can use running as a meditation and if I try to stop my " monkey mind thoughts" I can not only strenghen my body by running but I can strenghten my meditative prayerful practice as well.

Many blessings for this Easter Weekend.

Nameste
Karen