Reflections of Respite

Well we survived ! and had a great weekend.It was a positive experience overall however I am left feeling very confused and unsure about how to proceed with future respites. I don't know if I am ready to fully talk about it. He was a sweet boy but very challenging and so starved for affection. It was clear very early on that he was " used to the system"and some of his comments broke my heart. Getting ready for bed the first night after only knowing us for 3 hrs for instance " I never know if I am going to like respite or if they are going to like me but I love you guys and I really like it here " He also thanked me " for your hospitality and for having me in your home, I can be pretty tricky folks say ". Oh my nerves!I thought respite for older kids would be less heartbreaking boy was I wrong.


I have to really process my emotions and reactions to see how to proceed. Maybe I am way too soft hearted to do respite. I am going to try to reach out to other foster parents and respite couples to see how they cope with the potential heartbreak and deal with emotions from respite.




The journey continues !

Karen

First Respite and Bluenose Weekend

In about 4 hrs Blaise and I will be starting our first respite weekend. I am a wee bit nervous but also looking forward to this experience. We will be spending our weekend with a very " active " 9 yr boy. I had a good chat with the foster mom earlier this week and she gave me lots of information to help our weekend go smoothly.

We decided to do respite for " older children" 5 - 10yrs of age even though our profile for adoption indicates 0 - 6 yrs. I have heard wonderful stories where foster to adopt or respite for little ones has transitioned into permanent placements. However I have also heard the heartbreaking stories of foster to adopt. I may be being selfish however I have had enough heartbreak in my journey that I don't want to be set up for heartbreak. However now that the time is coming close to this respite I am thinking " Oh my nerves doing respite for older children can also cause heartbreak " What if I come to realize that older children are a better fit for us and give up my dream of adopting a younger child to nuture and grow with. I mean I have some wonderful examples of couples who were waiting and did recieve infant adoption. These stories have opened my heart to the hope that this may be in the stars for me and Blaise.

Anyhoo we will enjoy our weekend and I am sure we will have a great weekend and learn some new things and grow from this experience.


I am running 10 K in the Bluenose this weekend as as " primer " for Cabot Trail Relay 15K next weekend. I am so excited to get out on the road with so many folks and to feel the thrill of accomplishment of completing this race. I have trained ( not too hard ) and I love the feeling of being alive while runnning and on the cool down. Every cell in your body gets energized from running and it is an awsome experience. I am so proud of myself for taking the leap and starting on my running path. My goal for next year is the 1/2 Marathon for the Bluenose.


Here's to a great May long weekend.

Cheers
Karen

Mother's Day

Another Mother's Day is almost here. This year I don't want to hide away and pretend that I don't know " what day it is "! Another year trying to find peace and grace as we wait and wait for God to open the eyes of our heart to the plan for our family. I have not had much new to say, I know I know I am never at a loss for words but I think I have said it all. I am waiting ! We are waiting and we are living.

On a rainy Saturday night with the hockey game on in the background( Go Canucks Go !) I have been browsing Catholic adoption blogs and looking for some inspiring poems or music to lift my spirits this Mother's Day. I came across this song and I love it and going to seek out other music by this group.

Your love Never Fails

A Prayer for NOW

This week I attended my parish lenten mission. It was a very moving experience and the spirit was moving for sure. The simple message to " let God in to do the work " , " let go of struggle and allow God space in your life " " Letting go and change is hard but God can break down your barries if you let him in ". Wow very powerful and of course very relevant to me and Blaise.

I finally get it ! I am not in control ! Things are going to work out as they are meant to be. Why do I keep trying to " do it on my own " and try to pretend that I have control over when and how our adoption story is going to turn out. What a relief ! Now I can just continue to enjoy life and live in the NOW.

A Prayer for NOW

Lord, let me be where I am, right now. Let me accept myself and love myself as i am right now - this moment , without a single thing being differnet.

You love me now. Let me love me now ! Lord, let me live in the now because you are there.

I can't meet you in the past or the future. If that is where I always am, I will miss you and I will miss what you are doing now!

I want to be able to see the beauty of what you are about.

Lord, help me to be silent for at least a few moments. Help me to quiet not only my tongue, but also my restless mind and heart.

If I cannot be quiet, how will I ever hear your gentle voice pleading with me to come to you and receive your rest ?

( shared by Fr. A.MacDonald Companions of the Cross )

Nameste

Karen

Adoption Magazine: What Not to Expect When You're Expecting

Adoption Magazine: What Not to Expect When You're Expecting: "author: Sheri Nope, this post isn't about the acclaimed book teaching you about pregnancy, birth and that first year with your newborn.&nbsp..."

Heading West

Well I thought my year of travel was complete. However a few weeks ago I received the OK to accept a request for a return visit to one of the First Nation communities that participated in the VON Aboriginal Health Initiative. So Blaise and I are heading to Calgary on Wednesday and staying until Monday. Really looking forward to spending time with Andy and Amanda and seeing their new house and seeing Rodney and Lanette and skiing at Kicking Horse again this year.
It is kind of a 40th birthday cerebration for Rodney and Blaise as they celebrate a day apart March 28 and March 29. Looking forward to a great weekend.

We had a meeting with Home of the Guardian angel social worker this week to review our file and our letter to birthmom. We decided to have our names on this route as well even though it takes very long with very little placements. Seven placements in the last two years. However you never know, why not us ! I am just putting that intention out there and open to whatever route our children come into our lives.

We have also decided to do respite care for foster families and will be meeting with another social worker at the end of the month. We feel like we have to do something proactive while we wait.

Another Special Needs Adoption Day is April 2. I have mixed feelings about this as they are so heartbreaking and you have to be so honest with yourself in the type of care you are willing to take on. You leave those days mind, body and spiritually drained. However I feel it is all part of what we must do. Waiting certainly challenges your resolve to if you really want to adopt! Crazy I know. The other morning as I was doing a meditation of releasing fear, I realized that my greatest fear is that I will be " paralyzed by fear when we finally adopt " I mean how do I know that I am going to be a good parent, that I will have all the skills to nurture and guide a child on there journey. I am told by friends that they had similar feelings when they were pregnant and that a " healthy" dose of fear is normal.

I have been reading a very courageous blog about a new adoptive mom who waited for so long for her wee on from Ethiopia and is journeying through Post Adoption Depression. Wow, very brave to share her story and it is making me more aware that this can happen. So I guess I am preparing my " nest " and getting ready for whatever comes our way whenever it comes our way.

Now of to dream of skiing in powder !

Cheers
Karen

"Warming up to Winter " Post Cuba Haze

Well old man winter is still here ! It was so lovely to get away and spend a week relaxing and being taken care off. It is soo hard to come back in the dead of winter and deal with the cold ! I love winter but I also love the beach so to have the two collide kind of threw me off.

We had a blast with Danielle and Roy, great travelling buddies. The Melia Las Dunas Resort was amazing. Our highlight was the Cataraman trip and the time with the dolphins. I almost cried so much energy and personality. Thankfully they were in a natural bay and were rescued dolphins. I was so honored to have had the brief time with these amazing creatures.

Great to spend a week unplugged and quality time with Blaise. We are so go go go all the time that this week was just what we needed to reconnect and recharge.

I am so grateful that we took this trip and now I must get back into the "real world "

Karen